you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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