its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
