Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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