they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
