I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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