How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
