I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
