my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
