and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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