so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
