apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
