do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
