did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
