that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
