I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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