I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
