and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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