I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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