I just saw a hot homeless man
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
