evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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