finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she peed on how many people?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
