Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
