smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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