I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
