Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
