I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
