I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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