I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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