she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
