billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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