some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
