oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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