my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize