Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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