YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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