Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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