be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My dick has a subreddit
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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