if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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