Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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