Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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