i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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