she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
