Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
