so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
