I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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