Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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