none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
