You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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