It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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