Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
