Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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