I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
