R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
