There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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