If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
