i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just found puke in my bra..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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