Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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