the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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