Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
