im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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