Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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