I just threw up on my dentist
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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