I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Farmville is her only friend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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