I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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