yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
