There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
