I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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