im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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