my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
