I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
