i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
